Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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