dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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