No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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