I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
