who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you will always have a special place in my vag
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
