so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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