Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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