He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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