In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
