walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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