I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I intend to get homeless drunk
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
