We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
