i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
