Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Pooping to opera.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
