I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
