god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
