I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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