and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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