I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
