A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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