I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
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I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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