You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
