dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
