I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize