I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
