Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
