I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
