TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
