Jerry, you need to find god
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
