I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
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you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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