We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
