So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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