I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Life is so much better after having sex.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
