he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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