why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
