Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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