I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
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Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize