I just made out with a guy for $7.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
