If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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