whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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