If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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