She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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