Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
