someone threw a dead crab at me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
