just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
