I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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