You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she looked like the before picture.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
