I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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