I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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