Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
