I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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