I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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