So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
