SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
