why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
