my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
