i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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