so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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