He is an equal opportunity slut.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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